How Far I Have Gone?

            The bud that sprouted a long time ago is now starting to bloom. The person from the past can never be the person of the future. That is because, change is there to manipulate every person’s life. Change that is meant to happen according to whatever you do. The thing is that, what will you do to manipulate that change?

            The first time I stepped in that gate and roamed that campus, I know within myself that this is the time where change is inevitable. But that change turned my life into something I wouldn’t expect. Something far beyond my knowledge. I never predicted that this school would change me.

            I kept telling myself, escape from these chains. Do what you want to do. But I never did. How can I when I know my heart is within this school? How can I when this school had been a big part of me?

            I’ve never noticed it before but little by little, this school is shaping me. This school is making me, me. I know nothing about this until I, myself, noticed how I suddenly changed in every aspect. My interest, my abilities, my personal view of myself, they all changed.

            I can’t escape. I want to escape. But then, as I figured myself, I can’t. Every time I think of it myself, I wonder. Is the me today, the real me or just someone I don’t know of? Should I still search for the real me or is it the me I see on the mirror? But then, I answer myself, whether or not the me of today is the real me or not, it doesn’t matter. For as long as I know what I wanted to do and everyone around me is rooting for it, too, I can bravely say that I am happy.

          I am almost complete and I can’t wait for the day that I can proudly say that I have no regrets. That I’ve done my best because, as of today, I still don’t know what ‘my best’ is.

          But still, I thank this institution for making my life more complicated. Because with this, I can finally understand the complex of life and I can finally know, even as a beginner, how to handle problems on my own. 

       Cavite National Science High School will forever be part of my life and can never be erased.

Falling is Not Losing

            Falling into the deep space of death. The uncertain path that leads to nowhere but nothingness. With this possibility, you took the risk. For the sake of the majority you sacrificed all you had and stepped forward. That heroic act you pulled right under our noses made our hearts shatter. Awaiting tears fell on the cheeks of the concerned and the land you’re born bent down and paid their respects.

            The faith in your hearts believed than anything, even small, can shake the world around. Some allegations surround your issue, yes, but then, I did not care. As long as you did your best to do what is right. You gave your all for the safety of your fellow Filipinos. You did so much that everyone extended their sympathy. Your families may be seeking justice, we all are.

            In the verge of death, lack of quality weapon, and some strategy, you made the move. You put in your faith to God and offered your life. Well, since you took your oath of service, you have already given your life to the country. With your brutal death, everyone became one. One to make things right. Holes became uncovered and issues sprouted. All concerned in the issue were revealed.

            If not for your life, the wrong will continue to proceed. I am not saying that it was good that you went by the death door, but with that unpleasant loss, we gained some useful information and we all are hoping for the best results.

            Thank you, Fallen 44. I salute your courage and faith!

Violations and Longings

                As I open my eyes, I felt different. I can’t say where I am. The place was filled by dark smoke and the atmosphere is eerie. I caught the sight of a person wearing a dark cape and hood. I can’t see his face. It’s dark. My foot took a step at the foggy ground and that’s when I realize, I was standing midair. I look around. The walls were familiar, also the plants. Am I at school?

                I was startled when a cold hand touched my shoulder. Turning my head, I caught the glimpse of the ‘dark man’. Upon impulse, I scooted away. For a moment, we just stared at each other. But then, he spoke.

“You may be wondering what place is this. You’ll know later,” said he.  I was confused, we?

“I will be your guide here. And don’t worry, if you’re thinking you’re dead, let me tell you. You’re not.” That sounds a bit nice. It does looks like I’m in hell.

“So let’s start the tour.” He gave me a knowing smile when he saw the hesitation in my eyes.

 “You can walk in here. You won’t fall. Also, I am not a bad person. Trust me.” His face was dark but I can see the light in his eyes. He extended his hand to me. Who is he really? I looked behind me. It was pure black clouds and fog. I decided to accept his awaiting hand.

I took small careful steps and he was patient enough to wait for me. Minutes later, we arrived at a small building by a white gate that looks like a guardhouse. I saw a familiar figure inside the small building. Our school guard? Why is he here? That’s when I noticed some teenagers with their backpacks. I jumped a little when the man beside me spoke.

“This stop was for the ‘Late Spirits’. They are students who came to school later than they should. So now, the guard is keeping them away. They can’t enter the campus premises.”

“So this is really our school,” finally my lost voice had uttered words. The dark man chuckled and started to pull my hand. As I look at him, he said,

“We’re moving on.” I just nodded and got carried away.

                The next stop was beyond the gate having some neatly uniformed officers awaiting some students. Those officers list the names of those students and, are scolding and warning them. I looked at the man beside me. He immediately understood what I mean.

“Well,” he started, “this is the ‘Lost Identities’. These students forget to bring their ID’s and were told to halt by those officers.  They only have three chances though to pass through those officers. If they made it to the fourth, their parents would be called here and judgement would be subjected by the higher ups.” I just noticed that the surroundings were a bit darker than before. I yanked his sleeves for him to look at me.

“Hey..” His head turned to me.

“Why is it that the air is black? And now, it’s darker than before,” I asked.

“That is because the sins they – the students – emit are heavier than before,” he explained. I focused my eyes in front of me and viewed the darkness awaiting me.

“Let’s go,” he declared and pulled my hand once again.

                The place is eerier than before and the chills are starting to get on my nerves. The man beside my felt my trembling body.

“Bear the cold. I can’t provide any warm blanket. I am, too, a lost soul.” When I looked at his eyes, which I can see clearer now, I see no emotion. His hand, too, now that I mention it, is cold like ice. Before I even ask him about his life, I heard a voice talking – no, more like shouting. My eyes caught a figure. An almost balding stout old man was scolding some students. Their head hang low and their eyes glued to the ground.

“Their uniforms are incomplete or messy. They are the ‘Lacking Souls’. That’s why that man there is scolding them. That’s their punishment, to be scolded continuously. Like the previous stop, they have three chances and their parents will be called at the fourth time.” He looked at me with a smile. Though not visible enough, I can see his face a bit brighter than before.

“Let’s go.”

                I figured that this will be my chance to talk to him.

“Uhm.,” I started.

“Yes? Wondering about something?”

“Well, yeah. Who are you?” He only chuckled and looked at me.

“You’ll know soon enough but not right now,” he told me.

“Can’t you tell me something about you? Even a little..,” I looked at him with pleading eyes. I just can’t come with some stranger I don’t know. And why am I even touring this stupid tour around my own school.

“Well, if you’re really curious. I am someone who appeared in your dreams..”

 “But – “

“We’re here,” he suddenly uttered. I just took that as a sign that he doesn’t what to talk about that anymore. In front of us is a one-storey building that looks like no one would ever come in.

“Let’s go inside.” I can’t stop trembling. “I am not into these kinds of places. So.. yeah…” He looked at me with a knowing smile and lightly squeezed my hand.

“I’m here.”

My eyes widen. I think I’ve already hear that words. But I couldn’t figure out where. I took all the courage left and took a step. A strong cool wind hit my face making me take a step back. Good thing, he is there to hold me.

“I’m sorry for not warning you about that wind. Be careful..” He held my hand and guided me inside. I can tell that this place is supposed to be the library but then, the books here are covered with a thick blanket of dust. No one would even touch these things though I saw some souls outside the building.

“This place is for the ‘Forgetful Ones’. They forget to return the books so they are banned to enter the buildings premises. Well, as you guessed, this is the library. The librarian is the disciplinarian here and she gives no mercy,” he told me.

“Can we go? It’s really chilly here.” I hugged myself to emphasize my words.

“Sure. Let’s go..” Once again, he offered his hand to me. Light is slowly creeping to his face but not enough to see him clearly. He guided me outside and we went on our tour. I stayed quiet throughout the journey. His hand seemed less colder than before. Not long after, we reached yet another building. This time, it has a greenish touch in it. There were railings on a terrace. The place was decorated by colourful tables and chairs.

“We are at the canteen, yes. Students here don’t pay their food. They are called the ‘Denied Buyers’. Punishment for this is to not be able to buy here and a trip to the guidance counsellor if they’ve committed a much bigger debt,” he explained. I just noticed how deserted this place is. There weren’t much of a choice in snacks. The white walls were decorated by abstract paintings and the smell is not that appealing to the nose.

“Let’s go out. You don’t seem to like the atmosphere,” he led me to the door and we continued with our journey.

The journey was to quiet for me. Personally, I don’t know what to say to him. He won’t even tell me anything about him. The feeling is very uncomfortable for me. I have absolutely no information about him but I have a feeling that he knows everything about me. That proud look in his face tells me that he knows something.

“This is the sixth stop. This stop is for the ‘Irresponsible Cleaners’. They’re students who just don’t want to clean. Look at the surroundings. They are clean as they should be. That’s because that’s their punishment, to clean everything,” he told me. I just stared at him. He just stared back and smiled.

“You seemed more quiet than usual. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just don’t know what to say since I don’t know you,” I told him. He stayed quiet and suddenly he smiled. “You’ll know at the last stop.” That made me look up to him. “So.. Let’s carry on.” He extended his hand to me. I smiled and took his hand. Our trip started once again.

After minutes of walking, we stopped in front of a building. It was a two-storey one and it was too quiet. Just too quiet.

“This place is for the ‘Unsettled Beings’. They are too noisy for the teachers’ liking. So they made these students shut up. That’s their punishment.” He pulled my hand. “It’s too quiet in here. Let’s go.”

I can’t tell if we’re almost finished or not. But by the looks of his face, I can say that we’re close. His footsteps were faster and his hand getting warmer by the minute. I can almost see his face. Almost.

“This is the eight stop where the ‘Parasites’. They depend on others especially when it was exams. They are faced to suspension.” His bright face smiled at me and I replied with a smile, too. I really think I know this man, is what’s bugging me all this time. “After this, we’ll be at the last stop,” he declared. And so, we carried on. In just a matter of minutes, we reached the last stop.

“Here we are. The last stop. Here, the students having the heaviest violation would be subjected to either suspension or expulsion. They are what we call the ‘Black Sheeps’. The Head teacher or the principal is the one in charge of this stop.” The building was plain white with glass doors. Voices can be heard and sometimes, sobs and cries would reach my ears.. After the last stop, I yanked his sleeve. He turned to me knowing what I want…. He slowly pulled his hood revealing the face I didn’t know I’ll see again..

“Finally, you showed your face.” Tears slowly run down my cheeks. I missed you……

Tears were shed for a Stranger

            A day I think I wouldn’t care. I was thinking about what things I should do. Facing my laptop, right hand on my cheek, I kept thinking what I need. The sudden urge to go out of the house crept in my body. I ask my father to accompany me at the market and buy what I think I need. The outside world seemed rather unfamiliar and too bright for my eyes. Chatting with my father on the way made me feel comfortable and a little excited.

            The surroundings made me feel aware. That this day, this day is a special day. I just didn’t notice. Everywhere I turn my head, I see his face. There were traces of him on the road. Everybody is talking about him. I didn’t care. What’s the rush?, I thought. It’s just him, my mind told me.

            Reaching the house I’ve lived for eight years already, I felt safe and relieved. My body relaxed as I opened the door. The hollowed hall was silent. Almost no sound was produced. Then I heard voices from the television. My mother had been watching and waiting. She even turned off the electric fan and lit a candle. He’s already here, she said. My insides started to boil and I feel excitement I never felt before. I saw him. He’s looking out the window. Joy crept inside me.

            As I saw his round smiling face, a tear fell on my cheek and I don’t even know why. Gripping on the pillow beside me, I simply wiped my tears away. I can’t explain the feeling. Something in him made me want to believe. He made me feel that there’s hope. He made me want to change. But the surprising fact is, I don’t even know him, personally. Quietly, I watched his entrance. Even the strong wind couldn’t stop his virtue. A wide smile formed on my lips. I tried to stop my tears, I really did, but too bad the feeling is just too strong for me to fight it.

            I’ve lived for fifteen years and this is the first time I cried for someone I don’t know, for someone I didn’t care about. But he, he made my tears burst out my eyes. They are not tears for disappointment and sorrow but tears for a new beginning and a new start. This made me set my mind to do what I should do, and act that like I should have long ago.

            With this new hope I obtained, I started to look at my life the way I should have, realistic but with positive view. I started getting my body to work as it should and I could sense that this will be the start of a new journey on a road I decided to walk on to. Knowing that he cares, it motivated me to continue the harsh journey of reaching my desires.

            I couldn’t believe my eyes when he stepped out of that white plane decorated by the flags of the Philippines and the Papal Seal. The pope is here. Pope Francis spent a few days here, in the Philippines. He is the pope who brought the Filipinos in one. The pope who made dangerous people seem trustworthy just for that four. He is the pope who challenged the Filipinos to change their ways for better living.

            In just a matter of minutes, he made me feel different emotions at the same time. His visit here brought light to my life that will always remind me to work harder. Because of his words, my mind enlightened on how I should treat other people and also, to give importance to God. I am looking forward to his return and I hope that his words and presence gave hope and motivation to other people like its effect on me.

Stay where you are supposed to..

            The Philippines, despite being such a small country, possesses a large population. There are food shortage, unemployment, crimes, lack of money and the most terrible of all, war.  In a crisis like this, others decided to just go abroad and work there. Going to a foreign land, serve foreign people and being apart from your loved ones, is what these people sacrificed just to build a better life for the family, and also the country. They wanted their children to have a normal life, their feelings and presence at stake.

            Many children of these OFW’s or Overseas Filipino Workers live their lives almost not seeing their parents resulting to lack of closure and bonding. Children being aloof from their parents is not a healthy lifestyle to keep. With this, the parents suffer more pain. There they are on a different land working until their bones break just to supply their family food on the dining table, and when they come home, they’ll find their children not knowing even their existence. The situation is too pitiful to see.

            The family bond that was gradually strengthened between the Filipinos is now slowly disintegrating. This problem, if continued, will break the nation. Shouldn’t the government take charge of this? Low employment and salary. Dishonest politicians. Poor business management. Due to these reasons, Filipinos won’t think twice in accepting a bigger offer abroad. No one will ever progress in this country if the very people working for the nation are not really effective to seat on their spot as of now.

            The government should be reformed or rehabilitated to make the Philippines are better place to live in. People should have enough food to eat, clothes to wear, shelter to live in, nice job to attend to, and sufficient money to achieve all these.

            I strongly believe that Filipinos should stay in this tainted country and try to be happy and safe with their family. But if this would be the only option, then at least all should work hard to relive the name of the land that fought for its independence for years and to be able to express dearly that we, Filipinos, are proud to be the people of this country.

            Everyone is encouraged to fight for what is right and what is good. With this, every problem inside this damaged land be patched and healed. And also, with this, Filipinos won’t be obligated to fly miles away from the homeland to render service to those of not his race but instead, would roam the world enjoying life to the fullest.....

Falling In Love is Dangerous: A Romeo and Juliet Customized Ending

                The clock is ticking and Juliet will be waking up any minute. Friar Lawrence should hurry up to Juliet’s dim cavern and awake her from her deep slumber. With a shovel on his right hand and a bright lamp on the other, the old man went out in the dark chamber where the fair maiden lie asleep. After a few minutes of walking, he made it near the entrance. But he discovered there’s someone else besides him there.

                “Balthasar! What are you doing here?” the friar asked the young boy.

                “Well, my master told me to stay out here and don’t ever come back. I’m just too stubborn to leave him alone,” the young boy told him honestly.

                “Does that mean, Romeo is in there?” the old man asked again.

                “Oh, yes! Maybe you should go, dear friar. I’m actually worried about my master.”

Filled with outmost concern, Friar Lawrence went forward and saw the lifeless bodies of Romeo and Paris hovering Juliet’s frail one. And as if on cue, Juliet’s eyes swung open and started wandering her sleepy eyes. Her eyes shot open as she recognized the friar.

“Friar Lawrence, good thing you’re here on time. Where is Romeo? Where is my husband?” The innocent voice of hers just brought more guilt to the friar’s already broken heart. And thinking that he should relay the painful tragedy her husband had gone through….

“I’m sorry, Juliet. I really am but……,” the friar moved a bit clearing Juliet’s view of the bloody truth hidden behind the good old friar’s back.

As she saw the love of her life lying on the cold hard ground, not beating a pulse, her eyes started to sip tears. Those tears that would surely dry but leave a painful mark on her face. Step by step, she approached her deceased lover. Hugging his cold flesh, she screamed at the top of her lungs the name she wished didn’t exist.

This pitiful scene is what triggered the friar to just stand there and let the couple have their own time. Just that not only their families were between them, but even death and fate would want them to part. It’s so heartbreaking for him to witness this whole tragedy of love and loyalty. He didn’t bother to budge even when he knew of the watchmen who were on their way to the tomb.

He was brought back to his senses when he saw Juliet pulling the dagger from her husband’s clothes and was aiming for her heart. He argued with himself if he should just let the maiden do what she intended to do or stop her before she does some rash actions. He picked the second one and immediately reached out a hand holding Juliet’s quivering pair. She looked up at him as he shook his head slowly and Juliet getting the hint gradually put the dagger down. She lifted herself up and run to the friar weeping at his chest for the loss she had taken that night.

After a very few moments, the watchmen came. They were surprised as to why the bodies of Romeo and Paris were beside the tomb instead of Juliet whose body was now missing. No other witnesses were on the scene except the page of Paris who told them about the incident. In the end, the mystery behind the unexplainable events on that place was left unsolved.

Moving on wasn’t easy. Friar Lawrence took Juliet to a very far land where no one recognizes them both. They lived a fair lifestyle like father and daughter. At fields near their newly found house, Juliet was picking some wild flowers to match the cool breeze of the blossoming spring. That’s what her normal life became. And none of Verona has to know.

This is For You…

The first time I stepped in this school, I trembled. It was the day that I realized that all this things around me was new, unfamiliar and different. Really different. My mind went haywire and I don’t know what to do. And for the record, I am not someone easy to adjust. I am totally clueless.
And then, I met you. You were the ones to made me, though indirectly, think back to reality. That I am a high school student now, that I can’t go back to who I am before. I was awakened and here I am now, still struggling at my present day problems. But then, I think that you’re here on our side. I’ve been quiet, yes. I’ve never said a word but now I’ll tell you.
Thank you.
For the patience and effort you’ve exerted on us. We are a pain, yes, but you still have your cool and kept on guiding us. You were there to teach us how we should behave just like the present. We, the Nitrogen section, are expected to be the example and the top. And according to you, we don’t like one. So now, you’re putting your time into shaping us the way we should be and I salute your determination.
You’ve done so much just by standing in front of us and say some things about anything. Just by doing your job, you became a part of who we are now. The continuous nagging and warnings made us aware. Aware of what position we have now and that we should be alarmed that no matter when, that position can be snatched away. And just by telling us that, you moved our hearts.
Because of that warnings and such, you showed us that you care.
Once again, I thank you all, my teachers.